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Dear Feminist,
I see you. I hear you. I know where your fire comes from.
You have watched women being silenced, overlooked, and stripped of opportunities. You have seen the statistics, the stories, the pain of those who came before you. You have read about the women who couldn’t vote, the ones denied education, the ones whose lives were dictated by the men around them. You have witnessed the casual dismissals, the jokes that aren’t funny, the way society sometimes demands that women shrink themselves to be acceptable.
I understand.
But in the heat of your fight, have you ever paused to ask yourself: What are we really fighting for? Because if you are not careful, you might lose sight of the very thing you claim to stand for.
Let’s have an honest conversation.
Your Voice Matters...But You Don’t Have to Scream to Be Heard
I get it. There is anger, and rightfully so. For too long, women have had to fight for a seat at the table, and sometimes, it feels like the only way to be noticed is to demand attention. Loudly.
But there is a fine line between being heard and being noisy.
Look at the women who truly changed history. Rosa Parks did not scream when she refused to give up her seat in a bus to satisfy a racist set. Malala Yousafzai did not hurl insults at those who shot her. She never needed to be haughty or condescending to make her point. These people were firm, unshaken, and relentless, but never reckless. They spoke with purpose, not just with volume.
There is power in silence when used wisely. There is strength in dignity. You do not need to be rude, sassy, or combative to make a difference. Read that again!
Moreover, you're no different from the person you fight or speak against once you take the disrespectful route. Being right is not an excuse to be rude to people. Making your voice heard doesn't mean you are immune to the rules of engagement if there's one. It definitely doesn't make you superior.
What's more, being disrespectful sometimes pushes away the very people who need to hear your message the most.
Not Everything is a Gender War
It’s easy to see every obstacle as an act of misogyny, every criticism as an attack on womanhood, every disagreement as a form of suppression. But sometimes, people are just… people. They are flawed, rude, or unkind - not because you are a woman, but because that’s who they are.
Some men are disrespectful to women, yes. But some are disrespectful to other men as well. Some women pull other women down just as fiercely as any man might. It’s important to recognize when something is genuinely about gender bias and when it is simply about human nature.
From my experience, a lot of situations where we casually invoke feminism are not worth it. I understand that you're passionate about "you" and you're dying to show your feministic inclinations. However, it's best to be conservative and utterly discerning. Let's stop raising dust where there's no sand.
Moreover, if we cry "misogyny" at everything, even when it isn’t true, we water down the meaning of the word. And when real cases of gender bias happen, people stop listening because they assume it's just another overreaction.
That's why these days, I have noticed that anytime a female raises concerns, some men just dismiss it as "feminism". This lack of substance is concerning.
Are You Fighting For Feminism Or For Ego?
Feminism is not a trend. It is not a hashtag. It is not an aesthetic. Some people wear the title without truly understanding its weight. They hear the word, find it "cool," and adopt it without studying its roots, its purpose, or its mission.
Feminism is not about hating men, proving superiority, or always being "right" in an argument. It is about fairness, about dismantling unjust systems, and about ensuring that women have the freedom to make choices - not just the ones that align with popular rhetoric, but the ones that align with their individual lives.
Ask yourself, why are you here?
Are you fighting for fairness, or are you just angry at men?
Are you seeking justice, or are you looking for revenge?
Are you passionate about the right of women, or do you just enjoy the power that comes with always being “right” in an argument?
There is nothing empowering about fighting the wrong fight. If you are in this for personal reasons - to prove something to someone, to lash out at a past hurt, to fit into a certain social circle - then you are not fighting for women. You are fighting for yourself. And that is not feminism.
Justice Cannot Be Selective
I'll be honest: you may have become a hypocrite.
If a man hits a woman, you protest, you march, you demand justice.
If a woman hits a man, you laugh, you mock, you call him weak.
If a man cheats, he is a terrible person.
If a woman cheats, she was probably pushed to it.
If a male boss fires a woman, he is sexist.
If a female boss fires a man, she is just doing her job.
How is this fair? How can you claim to fight for fairness and then turn around and excuse the same bad behavior just because the person committing it is a woman?
True feminism means standing up against all injustice, no matter who the victim is. It means calling out a woman who sexually harasses a man with the same energy you use when it’s the other way around. It means recognizing that men, too, can be victims of abuse, discrimination, and unfair treatment.
Because if you only fight for women while turning a blind eye to men, you are not fighting for fairness. We are just flipping the oppression. Read that again!
Equality Is a Myth; Equity Is a Better Goal
Let’s be brutally honest. Men and women will never be equal in every way. And that’s okay.
Men and women are not the same. We don’t experience life the same way. We don’t face the same struggles. We are built differently, wired differently, and that’s not a mistake - that’s nature.
But here’s the thing: fairness does not require sameness.
Instead of fighting for an unrealistic equality, let’s fight for equity - a world where everyone gets what they need to succeed based on their unique strengths and challenges.
If a man lifts a 50kg weight and a woman lifts a 30kg weight, should we say the man is stronger? Or should we recognize that they are both carrying loads proportionate to their ability?
Women give birth. Men don’t. That’s not unfair - that’s just nature.
Men are naturally stronger on average. That’s not oppression - that’s biology.
But that doesn’t mean one gender is superior to the other. It just means fairness looks different for each of us.
If we fight for that - for a world where no one is denied opportunities because of their gender but also where we don’t ignore natural realities - then we are fighting for something real.
A Final Word - From One Human To Another
You are passionate. You are strong. You want a better world. I respect that.
But anger without direction is just destruction.
Feminism should not be a war against men. It should be a war against injustice.
And the truth is, men are not your enemy. Many of us support you. We want a fair world too. We want our daughters to thrive, our sisters to be respected, our wives to have choices. We are not all against you. And if we work together, we can actually change things.
So I ask you—what do you really want? Revenge? Or justice?
Do you want to fight against men? Or do you want men to fight beside you?
The choice is yours. But I hope you choose wisely.
With respect,
AbdulMalik Akinyemi